bad mother?

Sleep training is going okay – last night was night 6. S is sleeping from around 6-6:30PM to around 3-3:30AM, which is awesome. Then he goes back down for another hour or two once he falls back to sleep. Much to DW’s chagrin, however, I am feeling really conflicted about it. It takes anywhere from 20-55 minutes to get baby to sleep at night, and he’s bawling like crazy during that time. It doesn’t seem to help him at all that one of us is there in the room with him (following the Sleep Lady technique, which we thought was supposed to be more gentle than Ferber or Weissbluth). I never wanted to do CIO, but I feel like that is exactly what we’re doing. He has also been crying for 20-35 minutes at his 3-3:30AM wake up, but last night I nursed him and put him back in the crib at that wake up and he played in his crib for about 30 minutes and then fussed (not really crying) for about 5-10 minutes and went back to sleep until the $%*&^! cats woke us all up at 6:15AM (they were used to baby being up at 4:30 or 5:00AM and getting fed at that time). If I could get him to do that at bedtime and all wake times, I’d be okay with it. But I feel like an abusive mother listening to him cry (and I mean cry) for 20+ minutes every night. DW told me last night that she can’t go back to what we were doing (co-sleeping, up many times in the night) – it was affecting her ability to parent during the day. I have also noticed that S is much less fussy during the day, I assume because he’s getting a good night’s rest. I’m just so conflicted. I guess we’ll continue for now, but if he backslides, I’m just not sure I can do this again. I wish S was a baby who just went to sleep when he’s tired. He’s a total sleep fighter.

The anti-CIO stuff has me thinking, though. Like when baby had to learn to take a bottle, he cried and cried several times a day for several weeks until he accepted it. But I had to work, so he had to learn. If he were going to day care, I’m sure there would be lots of tears in the beginning for that as well. Is CIO at bedtime really any worse than CIO in these other situations? Not judging or anything, I was just sincerely wondering about it.

In other baby news, we are having S’s 6 month photos taken on Friday (a few days shy of 7 months, but who’s counting?). I’m excited to get some professional shots. We also plan to be in a few as we have almost no photos of the 3 of us together. It’s Mama and S, Mommy and S, or just S in our pics.

We’re also gearing up for our Comic-Con trip next week. Our plan is to bring the stroller to get from our car to the convention center, check the stroller at the CC, and use the Ergo in the hall. This is what we’ll do Thursday morning when the con first opens. I predict he’ll do well for a couple of hours, and then we’ll have to take him out of there. I am planning to spend most of my time at the pool or beach (close to the condo we’re staying at) with S and let Mommy enjoy her con. I hope baby can tolerate it a little bit as I would like to go in a few times if possible, but if he can’t, that’s okay, too. In the not-too-distant future, he will love going! Can’t wait!


Filed under 6 months, parenting, sleep, vacation

7 responses to “bad mother?

  1. Jen

    >I have a fighter as well! Chunk can scream like crazy and give it his all before he allows himself to sleep. I am also conflicted about what to do… he can scream in his crib and soothe himself, or scream in my arms, but he is screaming either way. Not sure of the magic answer, just know you are not alone!

  2. >I think about 50% of babies are sleep fighters, so you're not alone. CIO is not evil and sometimes it's the only way to make things better— a means to an end. Good luck. It should get easier soon.

  3. >i have a sleep-fighter too. she cries either way, its frustrating and i dont know what to do about it. keep us posted though, im going to be interested to know if you get it to work in the end. hang in there ((()))

  4. N

    >Have fun at CC! I have a bunch of friends going.AS for CIO, I don't think it's evil or bad. It's a tool, and works when used with the kids for whom it works. It works for some babies, and not others. And it's not just letting your child scream and scream and scream. I am very much everybody has to do what's right for their own family. And as another mom with a sleep fighter, oh how I feel your pain. Right now we're rocking her to a dead sleep and putting her down, and I'd like to stop that, but every attempt has ended in much screaming and crying – and not even always or usually on the part of the baby.

  5. Next in Line

    >I have struggled and felt similar conflicts to you. The crazy thing was that we were actually making her cry more when we picked her up. Sitting beside her seemed to make her cry less. Every once and a while I pick her up and it doesn't help. What actually helps the most is puttering around her room folding things and cleaning up. It seems to both soothe and distract her. I think she is just trying to get me in the habit of cleaning her room.

  6. >Such a hard choice. There is no good or easy solution. Until all the recent posts about sleep issues, I never even knew sleep was suchan issue— so so much to learn and feel guilty about! 😉 I think tge truth is that all you can do is make the best possible choices in the moment. I doubt bad parents struggle with these choices. Comic con sounds fun and I ambetting you will be oh so glad you brought the stroller.

  7. >We fight the good fight. You're not a horrible mother. If you are, then I'm in deep trouble. We did CIO. Best thing we ever (finally) did. I've got a whole post coming about it. They have to learn it to live it. You and I both have babies that REALLY fight it. That part sucks!

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