stress

OMG, I am so freaking stressed out. I need a weekend away, to do nothing but read trashy magazines next to the beach or in a bubble bath, eat delicious meals without a child screaming or wanting to sit in my lap, and S-L-E-E-P. Yeah, like that will be happening anytime soon. Onto the bullets o’ havoc!

• Seattle job: I had my first interview a week ago Friday. It went well and I’m scheduled for the 2nd phone interview tomorrow afternoon. If that goes well, they’ll want me to fly up for a day of interviews. So, I’ll have to leave my breastfeeding baby overnight for the first time. Then have a completely stressful day of interviews while worrying about what’s happening at home with the baby. Then, if I get offered the job, we have to decide whether or not we want to do it. If we do it, we have the pleasure of moving to another state with 2 small kids and 3 cats. Right before the holiday season. Fun, right?
• Current job: Super stressful. I don’t want to do anything, but I’m overtasked all of a sudden with things that I don’t know how to do. I get vague info, have no one to bounce ideas off of, etc. Hate it. I never wanted this position, but when my old manager left, my new manager offered it to me and acted like I’d be an idiot not to accept. So, I accepted, knowing I didn’t want it and would hate it (involves sales, for God’s sake – that is not me).
• Homelife: We have officially outgrown our place. The kids need a yard to run around in. I need a decent workspace. THIS PLACE IS NOT CUTTING IT! Monkey is constantly (and I do mean CONSTANTLY) hitting, kicking, pushing the MM. He (Monkey) is obviously pissed off in general lately, but I don’t know how to improve it. It makes me sad for both boys and I worry that they won’t be close as they get older. I know that fighting will be part of a sibling relationship, but this is ridiculous.
• MiL: This list is so long and ever growing that I simply can’t write it all down. Just suffice it to say that it sucks to be her and to be us where she is concerned.

So, that’s my current shitty situation. My head and stomach hurt every day due to stress and lack of sleep (baby nursing and stress-related insomnia). I’m really trying to reframe – my family is healthy, I make a good salary, we are not in debt, we live in a beautiful area, we have the 2 kids we longed for, grateful for the possibility of a new job – but it’s really really hard these days.

shake, rattle and roll

You may have heard that we had a nice morning jolt here in Los Angeles – 4.4 earthquake! It was the first one for both boys, though only Monkey really got that something was going on. (Not that he was scared, mind you. If you ask him what he’s afraid of, he always says, “Not anyfing!”) Anyway, I woke to the windows rattling and the bed moving around, sat up and realized it was a fairly sizable quake and grabbed the baby and ran out to the dining room. We have a big, solid table that we agree is the safest place to be in an earthquake. Until the MM is a year old (next month!), we sleep in separate beds on either end of our condo – me and the MM in the boys’ room and DW and Monkey in our room. So we met at the table with both boys and got underneath. Monkey laughed so hard! It was pretty funny – I didn’t have my glasses on, so I was blind as a bat and I put the MM on the breast to keep him from being so squirmy. All is well – no damage, no big aftershocks. Still, I freaking HATE earthquakes and even more so now that we have kids. Ugh. This was a good reminder to get our earthquake kit up-to-date. We have one, but I’m sure all the food items have expired and there probably aren’t the right size diapers or anything like that in there. We also need to move it to a better location.

Other than that, nothing to report really. We are looking into summer day camp options for Monkey, the MM is growing like a weed, and we are all (finally) illness-free! After 2+ months of us passing colds around, it feels great! Oh! And not to jinx us, but Monkey slept until 6:40 AM yesterday and was awakened by the earthquake drama today at 6:30 AM! Could we finally be nearing the end of the 4:30-5:30 AM regular wake time?????? PLEASE???? It’s only been 4 years! #mamastired

random happs

Having two kids really takes up all of your time. I have fallen woefully behind on blogging, and I’m sorry. I had hoped to do a post on August 16 to commemorate the one year anniversary of the FET that resulted in my gorgeous baby F. Perhaps one on Monday as I returned to work after my maternity leave. Instead, here I am on an inauspicious date wondering what the hell to blog about. Oh, wait! My baby is in the next room with his first ever babysitter! That counts, right? DW works at Monkey’s preschool on Thursday mornings so we have hired a highly recommended sitter for F. So far, so good. I can hear her playing with him and talking to him and him cooing back. Babies are so much fun, especially when you just have to sit for a few hours and then give them back to Mom 🙂

So how have things been going here? Decent, with some ickiness thrown in. Monkey is back to his old ways of getting up super early every day (anywhere between 4AM-5:30AM). Ugh ugh ugh. It seems like it coincided with potty training, interestingly enough. He stopped napping about a month ago (even though he still needs it) so he is drop-dead tired by around 6. We start bedtime at 6:30 and he’s out by 7. Then up for the day ~5AM. We are kind of at the end of our rope with this situation (again). The baby would sleep until probably 7-8AM. I say probably because we don’t really know. I get him up when I hear DW and Monkey are up and put baby in his swing, where he sleeps until around 7-8. DW and I take turns sleeping. This results in far too much screen time for Monkey, too, which I hate. But we have like 4 hours to kill before school (and we are too tired to do much with him at that time of day), so TV/iPad time is too generous. I can’t believe we are still having these sleep issues 3+ years later. When will it end????

Baby F is also having a bit of night trouble lately, but I think it’s because I started working again on Monday. I work from home, so he sees me frequently and nurses throughout the day, but he was used to being with me so much and now he’s mostly with DW. He is having a little trouble napping (goes to sleep easily but wakes too soon) and he wakes with what seems like gas pains frequently overnight when used to pretty much sleep through. He also spits up a lot. He has his 4 month appt. next Wednesday, so I’ll be sure to mention all of this to his doctor and see if there’s any issue. Other than that, he is still a sweet, unfussy little dude. Even the overnight wakings are quickly resolved with a cuddle and shushing – he goes right back down. He is smiling up a storm and just started giggling a few days ago. He is grasping toys and showing an interest in books.

Upcoming stuff: We are going to San Diego for Labor Day weekend. Sun and surf! Then my parents are coming for a visit in mid-September, so DW and I will probably do a date night while they are here. Woot woot! We are also going to visit them in early December. That will be baby F’s first time on a plane (he’ll be 7 months) and our first time flying with 2! Also the first time with a lap child. Monkey flew for the first time at 18 months and we went ahead and got a seat for him. Doesn’t seem necessary with a 7 month old, right? It’ll save us ~$400, so we’ll rough it.

So that’s what’s happening in our world. I leave you with a recent pic of my boys doing a bit of tummy time 🙂

2 month doctor visit

Baby F had his two month appointment this morning (he’ll actually be two months on 6/29). He weighed in at a whopping 14 lb., 15 oz.! In terms of percentiles, he is “off the charts” on weight. His height is 23.5″ (65th percentile). The nurse referred to him as a marshmallow. Ha! Poor guy had to get an oral vaccine as well as 3 shots. This displeased him, but a little time at the breast afterward helped calm him down.

He is one big baby. He is also beautiful, healthy, and happy. He has started giving us gummy grins lately and he is much more alert and has more awake time as well. F still sleeps like a champ – generally going to bed around 7:30 and then I get him up when big brother wakes up (around 5AM – GROAN!) and change his diaper and put him in his swing, where he’ll sleep until about 9-9:30AM. He is an easy, unfussy baby. We are very thankful.

We are still very much in our “babymoon” phase – just loving our little guy and having fun spending the whole summer together as a family. I go back to work when Monkey goes back to school (mid-August) but I work from home, so it’ll be a much easier transition than last time around. We still need to work on getting F to take a bottle. We’ve only tried it once or twice and he didn’t want it either time. Sigh. I don’t really mind, but it’s a problem when I need to get my hair done or have an appointment that isn’t conducive to having an infant with me.

Big brother Monkey has started getting a bit aggressive toward his little bro. He is still sweet and gentle most of the time, but he will lash out on occasion, so we’re having to monitor him a bit more closely. Monkey has also stopped napping, even though he really still needs that nap. He goes to bed these days around 7PM and is still up for the day between 5-6AM. It’s only been a couple of weeks, so we are still hopeful that he might squeeze in a bit more sleep in the AM.

Monkey also started soccer last Wednesday and is doing really well with it. It is the first activity that he’s been involved in that he hasn’t gotten bored and run off within 15 minutes. He sticks with it and seems to be having a great time. We tried one-on-one swimming lessons earlier in the summer, but it didn’t go very well. We are going to try again with group lessons and see how it goes. We have a pool at our condo complex and he loves it, so we just have to find the right instructor/lesson type and I think he’ll be good to go.

And in closing, how incredible was that SCOTUS ruling yesterday??? We are now legally married in the state of California and in the US. Now to get these rights across the country. I feel pretty confident that it will happen fairly quickly. Here’s hoping!

24w4d: updates

I realized I haven’t done a proper post with words and stuff since my post on depression many moons ago. So here we go!

Depression

I’m actually feeling much better lately. I’m thinking that being sick (twice, for over a month!) really affected my emotional state. The colds are gone and I’ve also added a bit of coffee back into my morning routine and both are helping me immensely. I went off the coffee when we were TTC and stayed off until my second trimester. Having a cup (or two) in the morning helps me have a more productive start to my day and not feel like a total sloth. My OB is fine with it and I really limit my caffeine intake throughout the rest of the day, so it’s good. I still have the number of someone should I find myself  in need, but for now I’m doing well and am going to try to make it through to the birth before restarting my ADs. Thanks to all of you who chimed in with your stories and support. Such a great community!

Pregnancy

I’m more than halfway through and am feeling really HUGE! I feel the baby move a lot, which is very different from my last pregnancy. My placenta was in front of the baby last time, so I didn’t feel movement for a long time and when I finally did, I didn’t feel much of it. This time? I started really feeling him at about 22 weeks and it just gets stronger and stronger. I’m able to see my belly move and DW has felt him kick as well. Fun!

We also have a birthdate: the newbie will make his appearance on Monday, April 29th! I’ll find out the exact time at my next OB appointment, but we went ahead and selected a date at my last one. It’s so funny that when I think of this new guy, I just see Monkey as an infant. I also think about how we’ll have the Christmas tree and decor up – until I remember that this guy will be born in April, not in December. My brain just refuses to switch to this new timeframe. New baby = Christmas, colder weather, turkey dinner. Only not so much this time around 🙂 Funny, huh?

We have also gone through all of our baby stuff and realized that while we are pretty set on a lot of baby clothes, we will need to buy some new things as the seasons will be different for this guy. For example, all of our newborn stuff is for wintertime. Some of it will be fine (onesies, footed sleepers, etc.), but we will need some warm weather things as well. I’ve already done two big Gym.bor.ee purchases since they are having such HUGE sales right now. My local store had a ton of summer stuff for infants (I assume from last year) for $3.50-$4.00 a pop, so I got some super adorable things for dirt cheap.

Friends of ours have a baby boy who just turned a year old and they have generously offered us many of their baby items, which is awesome as we had to get rid of large items from Monkey because 1.) we had no room for them and 2.) most of what we had last time was 2nd/3rd hand and was really done after Monkey. So we’ll be getting a swing, bouncy seat, infant car seat, and other necessities from them. SO glad! I hate to buy new stuff that you’ll only use for a few months and then dump, so this is really great.

One big item we will need is a glider/rocker. I had one from a co-worker last time and we donated it when we were done as we didn’t really like the looks of it. Now, though, I kind of wish we’d held onto it as I don’t want to spend the money on it. I’m not a fan of the glider (just think they’re kind of ugly), so it’s not something I want in my house once we’re past the need for it. Maybe we can find a nice upholstered rocker that will fit with our furniture and we can hold onto for a while. I don’t know. Did anyone get something they loved for not too much money?

Monkey

This guy is getting to be such a big boy! He has really been talking much more and we feel like we don’t really need to have him evaluated anymore. His preschool teacher has also been telling us how quickly his speech has amped up in the last month or two. It’s kind of wild!

He had his 3 year checkup in early Jan, where he weighed 34 lbs (we think he lost a little weight due to his cold) and he measured 38 1/4″ tall. Everything checked out perfectly, but his doctor did lecture us a bit about potty training. Sigh. We are still trying on that front. He is so stubborn!

We are still co-sleeping, but it is getting harder as my belly gets bigger. We will be purchasing a king-sized bed in the next few weeks, so we’re hopeful that will help. We’re also considering setting up his crib as a toddler bed and seeing if we can’t coax him into sleeping there (still in our room). We’ll see… He is still an early riser (typically up around 5:30), but for the last few days he’s been sleeping until 6-6:30. We are SO hopeful this will become the new trend. Anything after 6 is totally acceptable.

Monkey doesn’t seem to really have much of a clue that a new baby is on the way. We talk to him about it and show him my belly. He will tell you baby brother’s name and hug and kiss my belly, but I don’t get the sense that he understands there’s a little person in there who will be coming out here and turning his little world upside down. I guess none of us every truly get that concept until it’s our reality 🙂

firetruck bed

We are considering buying this cool firetruck toddler bed for Monkey to see if we can transition him out of our bed:

He seems to really love it – I showed him the picture and he was so excited. I asked him if he wanted to sleep in the firetruck bed all by himself and he said, “Yes!” It’s not crazy expensive (in fact, it’s on sale on Ama.zon right now), but it’s also not cheap so I’m not sure if we should go for it or not. Have any of you tried something like this and did it work?

16 weeks and already stressing about 2 kids and sleep

I know it is early and I have no idea how this new guy will be sleep-wise but I’m spending a lot of time lately worrying about our future sleep situation. We currently co-sleep with Monkey in our bed. We have a queen and he sleeps in between the two us. He goes to sleep there a few hours before we do and we use bedrails during that time. I’m having a hard time imagining what the new arrangement will be once the newbie is here. We have already resigned ourselves to buying a king size bed prior to his arrival, so that will help. I’m just wondering where everyone will be while the baby is really small. Monkey on the outside, between DW and the bedrail with baby on the inside right next to me? With Monkey, he basically slept in my armpit (between my body and my arm) and didn’t really move at all during the night. Who knows if this guy will be the same? Maybe he will be fine in the co-sleeper and we won’t have to do anything different (Monkey was not – he would only really sleep in bed with us, hence the co-sleeping).

I’m also trying to imagine bedtime. Sure, early on the baby will just hang with us until we go to bed and Monkey will do his usual routine. But when it’s time for baby to start a schedule, then what? Put baby down first, then Monkey? Will baby sleep through Monkey’s bedtime shenanigans? Maybe put baby down in the soon-to-be boys’ room and Monkey in our bed, then bring baby into our room when we go to bed? And what about when the baby wakes to nurse in the night? Will this wake Monkey and have us partying for hours in the middle of the night like we do now when, God forbid, he happens to wake?

By the way, I’d have no problem trying to transition Monkey to his own “big boy” bed in the new room prior to the newbie’s arrival, but DW is not on board. Sigh. Maybe if she were pregnant and trying to sleep with baby knees in her back she’d be more open to the idea 😉 I’m also having a hard time picturing me getting any sleep at all when I am hugely pregnant with Monkey in the bed. It’s a little terrifying.

Another concern I have, though it is super temporary, is how Monkey will do with my parents while we are in the hospital after the birth. He has never been away from us overnight before and no one has ever put him down except one of us. Are my parents up to the task? My sad heart is picturing him crying all night long, inconsolable at us not being there. Argh. This parenting thing is so hard! I’m just trying to prepare however I can (like buying the bigger bed) and hoping that it will be a non-issue because the new guy will be a perfect sleeper. I can dream, right?

sick and tired

ZOMG the last week has been horrendous. First Monkey got sick (slight fever, sniffles). Then DW got sick. Then I got sick. Monkey missed a lot of school because he’s been sick. He also refused to nap for several days and has been getting up for the day at 4AM for the last 4-5 days. Yes, 4AM! He was back at school on Monday and Tuesday and is finally napping again. Between being sick, sleep-deprived and pregnant, I’m seriously on the ragged edge.

Weirdly, having this cold has put my morning sickness on the backburner. I don’t feel nauseous, I don’t want to eat, I just feel sick and wish that I could sleep for days and days. I hope all is well with the newbie. We go in for the first tri screening tomorrow. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit anxious, but I will be happy to see my old pal, Dr. Gay.

Please please please let the newbie be a sleeper. I am terrified of my future if I end up with two kids who don’t sleep