>I’m sorry if I upset or offended anyone with my comments on grief in my last post. I certainly didn’t mean to imply that a miscarriage isn’t worthy of grief, or that it is less worthy of grief than other losses. I guess I was trying to make some sense of where this falls in my own personal grief/loss spectrum so that I could box it up and put it away, which is a silly and rather pointless exercise. Mine is a rational, logical mind that tends to want to label and organize, which is I guess where I was going yesterday. Anyway, I’m truly sorry if my comments were insensitive. That was definitely not my intent.

The wife and I talked a bit last night and she is on the “let’s wait” side of things. We are about to remodel our master bathroom and she is worried about the added stress of that and about things like breathing in dust and sleeping on a futon while pregnant. I know logically that she is right, but that would mean waiting about 4 months and I just don’t think I can do that. I’ll be 39 in May and I can feel that clock ticking. We’ve already been at this a year. I told her I would seriously think about it, and I will, but right now I can’t imagine waiting that long. I also want to respect her feelings – I mean this isn’t just about me. Arg.


Filed under grief, miscarriage

7 responses to “>apologies

  1. >oh hon, you certianly didn’t offend me and i owe *you* an apology if my comment came across that way. i think we were just trying to express that it’s okay to be sad (your post sounded like you didn’t think “grieving” was okay in your situation). society expects women to get over an early loss, to forget it, to pretend it never happened. for those of us who have been in your shoes, we know how unrealistic that expectation can be and we just wanted to offer you the support/space/permission to grieve however you need to. alright, ill stop speaking for the group now and just say *I* am thinking of you.

  2. >Thanks, S. No one made me feel that way – I just reread it and thought it could be perceived that way. I’d hate to think I hurt anyone’s feelings over such an important issue, so I wanted to clarify what I meant. {{{}}}

  3. >I’m so, so sorry you lost this pregnancy. And your blog is for you to process anyway you want/need. Big hugs.

  4. R

    >Hugs to you! I hope you know that you can always write whatever you want.. it’s your place to vent…

  5. >hi dear – I know what you mean about trying to box up emotions and keep them organized. the problem is, as I have been finding out, they often pop out of the box uninvited and not at appropriate times. sometimes they say very inappropriate things too!I know what you mean about wanting to wait and wanting to hurry up. Did the doc ever give you the impression your ovarian reserve was diminished? Of course with age it often is – but I guess there is no rationalizing that one.the doc told me I could carry a baby even into my late forties I just couldn’t use my eggs, but my uterus was ok and most women’s are now that’s just me. You have your snow babies that are probably great, but you want to be safe and give yourself every chance you can get. I don’t know what to say except I really care about you, as do the many people in IRL and I hope you are able to come to a decision. It really is a process and it really takes time. That is one cliche that I have found is true. I never would have seen myself in the place I am now 6 months ago, but I only was able to get here through time, processing, grieving, thinking, etc etc. But if I had snow babies waiting around for me I might feel differently.sorry I am rambling!take care, we are all thinking about you and are the better for knowing you and all the other wonderful TTCers out there! Yes, – I love to speak for the group!!!!!!

  6. >okay – sorry if I rambled and came off as if I know it all – I don’t! Take care:)

  7. >S. you can speak for me anytime. ditto to everything you said. M. I was just trying to say that its ok to be sad about this. sorry if that came accross any other way. you don’t ever have to apologise for anything you say on *your* blog. rant and rave away lady. this is your space.we are all thinking about you.

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