>questioning

>As most people probably do after a miscarriage, I find my moods rapidly changing and I’m questioning everything. I go from thinking maybe I don’t want to try again to desperately wanting to get to my next cycle. I’m afraid to try again. I can’t wait to try again. I wonder how much of this is hormones and how much is natural grieving. Grieving feels like too strong a word for my situation, but it’s as close as I can get to the feeling. Grieving-lite?

I’m also wondering if we should have waited longer between my myomectomy and IVF. I went by my RE’s schedule, but I know most doctors advise patients to wait 3 months (we waited 2). Could that be why I miscarried? If I start this next cycle in two weeks (again what my RE is telling me is possible), is that enough time to have healed after a D&C and laparoscopy? I really want to move forward as soon as possible, but I’m scared that this will happen again if my body isn’t back to normal. I don’t know what to do. I’m hoping that once my hormones level off, I can look at the situation more objectively.

I go in for a post-op check and bloodwork on Friday. I think I’ll run these questions by my RE then and see what he advises.

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7 Comments

Filed under grief, IVF, miscarriage

7 responses to “>questioning

  1. >Hi I just stumbled across your blog. I think you are being to hard on yourself. Grieving is grieving and I hope you feel better soon. I had a m/c a year ago today and my RE wanted me to have a normal period before I cycled again. I needed a few months to get in a good headspace though.

  2. >I grieved hard after my three m/cs. nothing light about it. let yourself feel whatever you're feeling. Also, my re wanted me to have one normal period (after d&c) before cycling again, to give my uterus a chance to heal. my losses were at 8.5, 7, and 5 weeks. I agree with Cindy that it can take awhile to FEEL like cycling again too. Trust your instincts on that one.Hang in there. So sorry you're going through this.Mo

  3. >I agree with pp. a loss is a loss, and you should absolutely not have to feel that your loss is not enough to warrant grief. I think that when we go through this we need to grieve and cry and question and go through all the emotions, because at the end of the day what we have lost is the potential of a life. the life of our children. and that is not nothing. after my miscarriage and d&c what helped me get through it was time and reading about other womens stories, I found waiting for daisy and alittlebitpregant.com great. if only just to not feel alone. its quite powerful just to have your feelings validated through reading about someone else going through the same thing.I'm so sorry that this happened to you and I am so profoundly sorry for the loss of your children.

  4. >Hi Glamcookie – It’s so hard to know what to do with the hurry up, slow down, what shall I do? feelings. I guess even though we want to, we can’t hurry grief and roller-coaster emotions. It is probably all of the above that is making you feel so rotten. I know you want to get this show on the road, and I also know you feel you need more time to grieve and to heal. It’s hard. Remember, those snow babies will be there waiting for you when you are ready – whether it’s next week or in three months. I would ask your RE why s/he is so sure you can go ahead but most people say wait. Take care, and I hope you get some clarity, but as I learned with TTC and infertility, not having clarity is sometimes clarity itself. i.e. being undecided is decision and it might just be the decision that is right at the time. Big hugs to you and hoping you are able to get through this. Like I have said before, I wish we could all go to sleep and wake up three months pregnant!

  5. >Glamcookie,I encourage you to be sure that you’re emotionally ready to take that next step. I grieved for a long time after my ectopic, and found that the three-month mandatory wait did me wonders…I had to get back to that “let’s get excited about this” state of mind. Just take care of yourself first and the rest will follow. HUGS!

  6. >i’ll echo the others, a loss is a loss. yours is no less worthy of grief because it was an early one. my RE made me wait 6 weeks and it took every day of that for my period to return. my advice is to do whatever you are comfortable with. there is no need to rush it, if you will just have doubts. likewise, trying again can be very healing for some. i hope you, your sweetie, and your doc are able to come up with a plan on friday that you all feel comfortable with. whatever you decide, be kind to yourself. there is no right and wrong in this situation. big hugs.

  7. >It’s weird that your RE is telling you that you can start again so soon. Mine is very conservative about such things, which means I have to sit out this cycle even though my numbers never got above 79 this time around. The main reason I wanted to cycle again quickly was to avoid grieving again. I feel like I grieved so much after the December loss that I just couldn’t deal with that again. The good news (if it’s really good) is that I feel much less grief and much more rage this time. So unpredictable, feelings.As you wrestle with the question of when to try again, I hope that you can come to an answer that feels right for both of you. I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines!

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