A new friend here in NC found out yesterday that her baby doesn’t have a heartbeat (she was 10 weeks pregnant). She goes in for a D&C today. I am so incredibly sad and angry for her. She was so excited for this (her first) baby. It is really bringing all of the memories of my own miscarriage back and has me feeling so down. Of course, this isn’t about me, but about my devastated friend. But on my blog, I thought I could talk a bit about it and then let it go.
When I opened her email telling me that the baby didn’t have a heartbeat, I felt light-headed. My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach. I began flashing back to all of the details of my miscarriage – the ultrasound that quickly turned from exciting to terrifying, going to the mall instead of home because our housekeeper was there that day, watching everyone go on with their normal day while I was in such pain and misery, the ever sunny Southern California yellow and blue day. I also had an awful cold, so I felt physically terrible as well as mentally.
I remember going in for the D&C, and the uncontrollable, unstoppable crying. The deep, physical wound of it all. I was all of 5 weeks pregnant and it was devastating. I know women who’ve lost pregnancies at 20+ weeks, women who have experienced multiple miscarriages, women who have lost their born babies and children. And I am in awe of their strength – their ability to keep living, and even to thrive again after suffering the worst blow imaginable.
Women are warriors, plain and simple. I’m so very honored to be among your ranks.