identity crisis

So, I’ve been wondering what, if anything, I should do with this blog. I mean, yes, I can continue to update on my boys and many of you have shared my journey (and I yours) for years so it’s all of interest. But I’d like to do more than simply have a mom blog. I initially started this blog to connect with other LGBT families – and I did. My family is now complete, so there won’t be any TTC/fertility stuff anymore. My boys are growing so fast that at some point, they’ll be big boys and I won’t feel comfortable sharing their stories on my blog for anyone to see. So where does that leave us?

Since a major point of this blog is that we are a two-mom family, I think I’d like to open a dialog on what that means on a daily basis. How does it impact our family, if it does at all? What issues do we encounter and how do we navigate our way through them? How can we all as a community support each other through any negativity that may arise? So I think what I may start doing is in addition to updates on my sweeties, I’ll share any stuff that comes up having to do with being a lesbian-led family. I encourage you to ask me any questions, share your own experiences, etc. It could be cool to do a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly post on this and link to each other to share our experiences. It would be interesting to see how our experiences differ depending on where we live (I’m in Los Angeles, in case any readers don’ t know). I’m not even talking about anything really out there – we’ve only had one truly nasty comment in the almost 4 years that we’ve been parents. I mean more like people asking personal questions, bending over backward to let you know how cool they are with the gays, that sort of thing. What do you all think?

I’ll start with experiences I’ve had over the last week:

We went to a local museum on Saturday and had a couple of minor things happen. When we first arrived, I was pushing baby F in the stroller and DW was holding Monkey’s hand. An elderly volunteer oohed and aahed over the baby. She asked if he was mine and Monkey was DW’s. I said, “No. We are a family – we are both moms to the boys.” She looked confused and said, “Oh, so she’s just along for the ride.” Eh? I just went, “yeah,” and continued on my merry way. Sigh.

Later in the day, DW was chatting with another museum employee. Somehow it came up that we were a two-mom family. The employee proceeded to ask, “So how does it work with having kids?” DW explained it all to her (sperm donor, fertility doctor, yadda yadda). The employee was friendly and truly was just curious (she has a lesbian cousin who is interested in having kids). We experience this all the time – well-meaning people asking the most intimate, probing questions about how our family came to be. I keep wondering how I’ll handle this when my boys are older – I don’t know that they’ll be so comfortable with Mom putting all our business out there for anyone who asks, you know?

On to the next… At work on Tuesday, my boss shared this kind of bizarre presentation on how your life journey has shaped you as a person in an attempt to bring people together on a more personal level. (To me this sounds like an HR nightmare, but what do I know?) My supervisor put together a timeline of experiences (both positive and negative) that have shaped him as an individual. Now the employee is supposed to create one of these timelines to share. In my supervisor’s defense, this was pushed down from upper management so it’s not like he is instigating this, and he did ask me if I felt okay with it or if it felt uncomfortable. Now, I’ve known my boss for years and he knows I’m married to a woman and that we have children together (duh – just back from maternity leave with my second), so it’s not that big a deal. But still. Now I have to figure out how much I want to share and if this is being shared more widely, just how much I’d be comfortable exposing to a larger audience. I mean, there wasn’t much bigger in my life than meeting DW, discovering my attraction to her, working through the complexity of that, etc. But do I really want to bring that story to work? Most people would just have a blip on their timeline: “Met spouse” or “Got married.” My story is a bit more complicated, annoyingly. I have to share this timeline with my boss next Tuesday, so I’ll let you know what I decide to do. I’d be interested to know what any of you might do in this situation as well.

Now let’s see what kind of conversation we get going about our experiences as LGBT families!



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6 responses to “identity crisis

  1. I love this idea! (Though I love to hear stories and see photos of the kiddos too!)
    As far as the timeline goes, I’d probably be inclined to keep it pretty basic, i.e. no “realized I was a lesbian,” but still say things along the line of “met wife.”

  2. chunkandmommy

    Excellent idea for the direction of the blog…. I think my blog may be taking a revamp as well since it is getting all sorts of heated and crazy over there. If it were my timeline, I would go with vague as well….met wife, Monkey born, F born and add in any big moves, careers, education, etc. It just makes it easier without a huge social commentary.

  3. Great idea! I’ve got some corkers to impart when I am not thumb typing on my phone!

  4. I think creating forums for discussions and sharing of experiences is a wonderful idea. The parenting connections is what I love most about this blogging community 🙂

    As others have said, I would be vague on the timeline as well. DW and I pretty much went through a saga to get to the point of being US, but yet when people ask, I simply answer, “We met in college…started dating later, got engaged in 2007, married in 2008….” and general stuff like that. Good luck with it!

    ps-I would love to see an end of summer picture blog post. I am constantly teased by the SUPER CUTE pics of Monkey and Baby F that your DW tags you in on fb 🙂

  5. I love that idea. I put a little bit of everything in mine, so this would be a great direction for you to go in. I think it would be awesome to show this side of two mom families. Looking forward to it!

  6. homoparental

    Hi. We’re Julián and Agus, a married gay couple. We have a son together, Martin, and we’ve created Weerlly ( in order to provide homoparental families with products to be identified with. We were very sad when we could’nt find then for our son, so we decided to make them ourselves! We wish you like them! We are on and on facebook ( Kisses and love, love, love!

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