30 day challenge: day 4

I will continue the trend of answering questions from my previous post before getting into the day’s blog challenge post.
@Claire: I considered myself mostly straight, but I had an Experience in high school (with a cheerleader, no less), so I was open to the idea. I think I was actually bi and would probably still consider myself so, though for all intents and purposes, I’m gay: my longest, most serious adult relationship has been with a woman (DW, 16 years) and I don’t see myself with anyone else. Ever. But let’s say the impossible happened and we broke up? I’m not sure if I’d date women or men or both. For me, it really is about the person. (You should see DW’s face when I say that part about not being sure which sex I’d date if we ever broke up. She is like, “You’d date a GUY? Srsly?” Hahahahahahaha!)

@divinefrenzy: I know that B is married, not sure if he has kids. I hope his life is full of joy.

Now onto day 4: your parents

I’ll start with a brief sketch of each of their lives prior to their marriage. My mom’s mom died when my mom was 8 and her sister was 10. Horribly sad and we don’t talk about it. I think (?) she died of hardening of the arteries, but I’m not sure and I’m not even sure where I got that little tidbit. Her sister led a sad life – had multiple marriages to bad news guys, had 3 sons, youngest son died in his teens in a motorcycle accident, and she died young (early-mid 50s) of cancer. My mom’s dad was a scumbag and he remarried a scumbag. I’ll leave it at that. Scum. Bags. He died about 15 years ago. We weren’t close with my mom’s side of the family at all when I was growing up, and I think that was definitely for the best.

My dad grew up in a big family (he was one of 7 kids). My grandfather was a successful contractor and the family flourished for many years. My dad’s older brother died in his late teens in an accident that might actually have been suicide. Again, we don’t talk about it and I’ve gotten conflicting accounts of what happened over the years from various family members. It devastated the family, of course, and my grandfather committed suicide (no doubts there) shortly thereafter. My grandma then kind of lost her mind and married a loser who ran through all of her money. She shuffled her two youngest kids around among their older brothers and sisters. We were very close with my dad’s brothers and sisters (and all my cousins) when I was growing up.

My parents were high school sweethearts who got pregnant with me when they were 17 (mom) and 18 (dad) years old. They were in love and were happy to get married to make things legit. They are that rare couple that made it – they are still married and in love 40 years later! I was quite the matchmaker 🙂 My dad went to school nights to earn his BA and eventually also got his Masters, so he truly is a success story. I am very proud of him for that. My mom never finished high school, but was a fun and very loving mom.

The good: I always felt like whatever I wanted to do, I could do. I always knew I was loved and valued by my parents. We had awesome vacations, holidays, birthdays, we camped, we took road trips. We had fun!

The bad: We never talked about serious stuff, and I knew from early on that some topics were off limits (deaths in the family, for example), so we weren’t all that close, really. Since they were young, they weren’t the most stellar parents ever. I always felt like if something came up in my life, I had to handle it on my own. I never went to them for help when I really needed it. It made me a super independent person, which is great, but I’d never want Monkey to feel on his own the way I did. We also moved a ton when I was growing up. We never lived anywhere longer than 3 years, and that only happened once or twice. My dad is not in the military, but we did move so he could move up the corporate ladder. They continued that trend after I moved out at 19 (they were moving from LA to Indiana and I was not having it).

As an adult, I’m pretty close with my mom and have a good relationship with my dad, too. I never had a big “coming out” to them, but they knew the deal. When we decided to have a baby, I just called and said, “So, we’re going to try to have a baby.” Mom’s response? “We’re skipping right by the gay thing, then?” Hahahahahaha! My parents LOVE being grandparents (my brother has 2 kids), and they love Monkey. They came out for the birth and my mom stayed with us for 3 weeks post-delivery to help out. She has been out to see him multiple times. I am thankful that they are so supportive and that baby has involved, loving grandparents.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “30 day challenge: day 4

  1. Very good post. I love your mom’s response to you planning on having a baby. lol. Sounds like they’re great parents, especially given what they had to go through.

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