random baby-related musings

I got an invoice for storing my remaining 8 or so embryos for the year. Of course, it brought up the issue of a second child. We are both feeling very torn on the issue currently. We can’t even imagine having another baby on top of our current baby. It is already so hard, and I wouldn’t say S is a difficult baby. He seems pretty normal (no reflux, colic, or anything like that). Maybe it’s just not in the cards for us. It makes me kind of sad for S, but I don’t think that is necessarily the best reason to have another baby. Anyway, we paid for storage through February as we’re not quite ready to call it. I guess we’ll see where we are when the next invoice arrives.

It seems like most of my bloggy friends are planning to have a second child, which makes me wonder what our deal is that we feel so overwhelmed with one. Maybe because we’re older? I don’t know. Is there anyone out there with a singleton and plan to stay that way?
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S is teething like crazy. It looks like he has one coming in on the bottom, which is a first for him (having only one tooth coming in). He seems to have trouble with those lowers and not so much with the uppers.
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I’m sure I’m boring the hell out of all of you with this, but sleep continues to be problematic. He is pretty much in our bed all night at this point, which works for him but not so great for us. He starts in his bed around 6PM and usually wakes at least once before we go to bed around 9:30/10:00PM. He wakes up then and nurses and I try to get him back in his crib at that point, but I often fail or fall asleep before trying. We are living in fear of the daylight savings time change coming up as he is already going to sleep early and waking early 5:00/5:30AM. Any ideas on this, or about shifting bedtime out in general?
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I didn’t get in to see my OB last Friday re: post-partum depression as he had an emergency. Hoping to get in sometime this week.

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12 Comments

Filed under 9 months, baby #2, parenting, pregnancy, sleep, teething

12 responses to “random baby-related musings

  1. >Speedy & I are of two minds about #2, too. Well, she is already pushing for another and I am more of the "let's-see-how-#-1-goes" frame of mind. Honestly, if I had to choose NOW, I would stop at one. I have a brother and it did not enrich my youth to a great extent. In fact, we live 15 blocks apart, but I see him MAYBE 3 times a year. It's not that we dislike each other, but we just aren't all that close, and growing up it was the same, even though there were only two years between us. I do not think a sibling is an unquestionable benefit. I am also realistic about my energy and our finances– how much could I give to #2 without taking away from #1? Or vice versa? I think it's smart to consider what is best for the bigger picture– and that includes you.I hope that you get seen this week for PPD, because that, combined with the sleep issues, has got to be making life feel pretty hard right now. Keep us posted & good luck!

  2. >I am also living in fear of daylight savings! Even if I keep her up she still gets up at the same time. We are staying at one. I am on the fence and could easily sign up for another and Fi is sure that one is just right. Financially it would be really hard. We are also looking forward to lots of travel as a family and that will be easier and more affordable with her. If we had started younger and not had to spend an arm and leg on fertility treatments we might have had two. The sleep sounds really hard. The Bee was sleeping well, but now due to teething the nights are not so good.

  3. >We always planned for just one, and now that's he here and 17 months old, we haven't changed our minds. Sure, we do think about it from time to time, but our minds do not change. Our one is hard enough (like yours it sounds…no major problems, just a LOT of work to handle). There are many good things about only having one- he gets all your attention and love, you get to focus solely on him and not feel guilty about splitting your attention, financially you're better off, you get to start doing the things you love with your child sooner (like taking him to movies and on trips, etc), no fighting siblings ;-), no repeating the really hard times, etc. I love looking forward and knowing I don't have to look back…I can fondly remember those times and also appreciate how hard they were without being scared that we ever have to do it again!Good luck figuring the sleep issues out. I don't know…or at least, I forget how you feel about crying it out, but were I in your shoes, you can bet I'd be doing it. Having him learn to self soothe is really good for everyone (unless your neighbors will kill you lol)

  4. K

    >I can't remember if I've ever commented on your blog before. If not, hi. If so, hi again. :-)I wonder if your present reservations about another baby are more about Shane's age than your own. I spent E's whole first year wondering how and why anyone would ever voluntarily have a second child. But as things continued to become more routine and my own confidence and skill levels continued to increase, I found myself feeling less overwhelmed by the thought of it. By the time he was around 15-16 months, I felt ready to start the process for #2. You may find you feel differently in 6 months or a year. Or maybe not. There are certainly enough pros and cons to being an only child v. having siblings that you can't go too wrong either way. The bill for our snowbabies' rent came in the mail last week too. Funny. 🙂

  5. >I don't have any kids yet. However, my cousin had a baby 2 years ago. After that one, she swore up and down, sideways, and backwards that she'd NEVER have a kid again…ever. Long story, short- she's due to have another kiddo around Christmas.I think her change of heart came with the growth of her 1st daughter. As she got past the trials and tribulations of infancy, she became more routinized and confident in her skills as a Mommy. When making the decision for baby #2, she told me that she wanted to just get all the infancy crap out of the way ASAP, hence having the second baby 2 years after the first. I don't think I'd ever want only one kid- but I'm very close to my 3 siblings and loved being surrounded by them for my entire life. Plus I have reservations about the possible enmeshment of single children and their parents as well as their responsibilities later in life, etc etc.But you know what? I haven't carried a kid, given birth to them, and started to raise them like you have. I don't think there's a right or wrong decision in general, but there is a right decision for you and your family.I hope you get to see your OB soon!

  6. Jen

    >On baby #2, I know we will try again, but I can't imagine trying so soon like so many are. We will probably try in a year or more, so chunk would be almost 3 before #2 would arrive. I am exhausted with him–teething, starting to move, etc that I can't imagine adding a newborn to the mix. But I am also 30, which may make a difference–don't know. There is also the issue of finances—there is no way we could afford daycare for two kids! That would be more than our mortgage around here! In the end, it is up to each family/couple to know what is right for you–there is no right or wrong answer. I think it is a good idea to wait until you know for sure and then go from there, whatever your decision is. We are also suffering through teeth, although it is the opposite 🙂 The top seem to be killers and I think he is working on two at the same time. Joy.

  7. RDR

    >In the beginning, we agreed my DW would go first and I would go second. Well, we had b/g twins in 2004. In 2006, we thought we would just be completely nuts to attempt so we delayed. Now our kids are going on 7 this January and we are trying for #3. Go with your gut or collective guts.:)Two things are important to us, have more than one child and have more than one pregnancy. Well we got two kids now we are working on the second pregnancy. We had our trials when the kids were younger, sometimes I thought I was in the movie 'Ground Hog Day' because the same challenges happen for so long! Do you have a desire to be pregnant again? Doe your DW want to be pregnant? Take your time, maybe have a chat with a therapist or a third party to help walk you through the thought process. Also, re-approach in January. Sometimes time changes your perspective. Good luck!

  8. >interesting to read all of the responses about family size. we just always knew we wanted a big family. we jumped right back in blindly – probably a bit too blindly (crazy!) in retrospect!! if you figure out the bedtime issue, let me know. i am exhausted from the 5:00am wake-ups!!

  9. >How are you keeping Shane in bed when you're not there?I am so completely screwed when it comes to our sleep issues so I hear you on needing a solution!! For now I'm being held hostage while co-sleeping with a baby that wakes up when I leave the bed. I ❤ my 7:30 pm bedtime!As for #2, we are all over the place on what we want and I wish we could have more time with Sadie, to enjoy her, before we start planning again. There is just so much pressure. It sucks that there is a finanial impact to delaying your decision but I would want to hold onto those embies for a while longer. You'll never know if your feelings will change. We're paying $280/year for sperm and I fear I'll be paying storage fees on it until menopause – "just in case".

  10. >I haven't even had number one yet and already I worry about number two. Being that much older – 42 already – thinking how old I will be when and if we try again and how old S will be – a lot older! And putting my body through that again! I didn't really want an only child but I know some people who have one and they are just fine with it. I would definitely keep those embryos around for at least another year. Don't let money pressure you into deciding – esp as getting those embies is so expensive and keeping them is relatively cheap. I agree with the others – but of course with me it's only theoretical. You wil probably feel much different when things are in your stride.I am sorry about the sleep being so lousy – I wish I had a clue but I don't. What time do you go to bed? I think I would be tempted to be on the baby's sleep schedule – but that would make the evenings very boring and there would be no time to bond with DW.Hope you get into see the OB and get some meds sorted out. thinking of you and sorry it's so hard.((HUGS))

  11. >It's a tough decision whether to have another one. We have two and have decided to try for one more. Even though we think it's a stupid decision for a million reasons (financial, exhaustion, the size of our house, etc.) we still feel it's the right decision for our family. We just see us with three kids. That being said, having more than one is definitely harder. I still experience a lot of guilty feelings about the time taken away from my first, as well as guilt about the second not getting the same kind of attention the first did at the same age. It's tough but I wouldn't change it. Our second is just over a year and we're now starting to hit our stride, I think. Things feel a bit easier and as they get older it gets easier to find things they can both enjoy.Your hesitation to decide to have a second right now may have a lot to do with how tired you are since you're going through sleep issues with Shane. Once that's sorted out and he's a bit older, you might find you want another. Or not. Whichever decision you make will be the right one for your family.

  12. >i wouldn't make a decision until the 11th hour.:)

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