ultrasound and gay parenting

We went in to the high-risk OB for what was supposed to be our last visit/ultrasound with him. Unfortunately, baby was in a difficult position so 1.) we didn’t get pictures and 2.) I have to go back in next week to see if he’s moved so that they can check a few things more closely. The little guy is in the frank breech position, meaning he is head up with his legs up over the body:


It’s not really a problem as it’s still early (32 weeks) and he’s coming via c-section no matter what, but it was a bit alarming to see his head and feet so close together! Silly dude! What they could see checked out fine, but they want one more look at him.

OB was a bit alarmed at the size of the baby. He estimates that he is 5 lbs, called him a “big boy,” and said I have an “8 or 9 month sized belly.” He wants me to do the damned hour glucose test again (argh) to make sure all is well, and advised me to watch what I’m eating. Kind of frustrating as I’m not going crazy with the food. I have a lot of 6′ and taller men in my family and both my brother and I were big babies (I was 9 lbs and my bro was 9 lbs, 2 oz). This OB and the other one in his practice are big into childhood obesity research and the connection between it and how the mother eats during pregnancy. I think they are a bit alarmist about it, but I will try to watch what I’m eating more closely. I’m also a little annoyed that I had my regular OB visit last Friday, where she measured my belly and said nothing was out of the ordinary and where they told me I had actually lost 2 lbs since my last appt. Which is it, doctor people?

ION, we are meeting with a lawyer at the Gay and Lesbian Center to find out if DW has to adopt our baby or not. We were thinking that since we are legally married, all we’d have to do is put her name on the birth certificate and we’re all good. Our lawyer advised us to do a 2nd parent adoption, but she doesn’t specialize in family law and is certainly not specialized in LGBT legal issues, so here we go. It is so offensive to me that we’d have to go through a home study and spend several thousand dollars for my wife to legally parent a child we conceived during our marriage. If she were a man and we went the same route to get pregnant (sperm donor), I could just put “his” name as the father and no one would question it. How is that any different than our situation? I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but it has both of us so furious.


Filed under testing, third trimester, ultrasound

10 responses to “ultrasound and gay parenting

  1. >whoa, thats nuts to learn he is in a frank breech position. could you tell before the scan? sorry to hear you have to do the glucose test again, thats no fun. im with you, singing along in the choir, on the 2nd parent adoption. i tried to get it started before i went out on leave, but got totally overwhelmed with the home studies, fees, etc. its really, really infuriating.

  2. >2nd parent adoption sucks! We live in Oregon which allows a Registered Domestic Partner to automatically be put on the birth certificate, as well. But – our attorney who specializes in LGBT family planning, highly suggests that we go through with it because if we were to cross state lines, other states do NOT have to recognize the birth certificate but they do have to respect adoptions. For that very reason because we travel often, we will go through with it and spend the money. I believe ours will be about 2k total. ICK!!!! -which reminds me…we should get started on that!

  3. >This child is a future gymnast. He is just getting started young. He certainly does look like a good candidate for a C section. Yikes. There is entirely too much hoopala about weight right now. It seems to be almost impossible satisfy everyone. I have given up and don't worry anymore. smile.

  4. >Our LO's are about the same size. When Sadie was frank breech I was freakin' terrified because we were told in our prenatal class that doctors will allow a vaginal frank breech delivery. When they showed how that would work using a doll and a model of the pelvis it was enough to make me want to run out of the room!! Sounds like your C-section will work out for both position and size!As for second parent adoption, we're considering it too. In Ontario we are allowed to put a second mom on the birth certificate however much like you said about crossing state lines it really doesn't mean much once we leave Canada. The only thing holding us back right now is that we're super super annoyed/pissed off that the original Birth Certificate will be updated and *ADOPTED* will be writen on it (based on new open adoption laws). We're hoping and amendment is made for 2nd parent/step parent adoption.

  5. >Sorry it was Mama1Mama2 that mentioned the state line issue…. (: But it's a really good point and 2nd parent adoption is really the only SAFE way to protect your family even when you do come from somewhere that has the added bonus of legal marriage!

  6. >I'm also curious how the "adoption" thing works in states where gay marriage is legal. The extra hoops we have to jump through are so infuriating…

  7. >He still might sort himself out. I know my niece is wiggly beyond wiggly and was in some completely crazy position right before birth. She somehow managed to her all her limbs in a row.The adoption thing IS crazy. Do you really have to do a homestudy for a parent adoption? I agree that it is probably for the best even it it hadn't been for 8. You never know if you might have to move or what might happen in other states. One of these days, the feds will need to do something about this. The legal-in-one state and not in others is just going to be a mess.

  8. >I've already seen my babies in some crazy weird positions, but they move around a lot, so I hope yours rights himself out.We were told to CYA and do a 2nd parent adoption as well even though we are legally married and NY state does recognize our marriage. BUT that means crap if we drive through Florida or Alabama and have an accident. It sucks, yeah. I feel your pain.

  9. >Count your blessings. Here in Ohio we don't have domestic partnership NOR do we have second parent adoption. Only one of us can be the legal parent. Period. If second parent adoption were an option for us, you bet I would jump through every hoop and pay every expense as long as it meant I would end up with legal rights to my children.

  10. >Glad to hear your not-so-little dude is growing well. Too bad you have to drink that nasty goo for your glucose screening though, but best to check it all out. Wishing you smooth sailing.

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