>emerging from the blahs

>The last few days have been a little rough. Nothing too serious, just kind of depressed and not wanting to do anything. I had trouble sleeping Sunday and Monday nights, so I worked from home yesterday so I could sleep in and just hang out. Not the best idea as I was home alone to brood and think without interruption. Working from home used to be great but since the miscarriage, I find that I prefer to be at work where I have to interact and don’t get the time to think too much. Lately when I find myself feeling badly and thinking about the miscarriage, I get this mental image of Charlie Brown hitting the ground with a WHAM after Lucy has pulled the football away from him:


It is oddly comforting. Weird, right? Baby as football. But the WHAM part is what it feels like. To have that baby dangled in front of you and then just taken away, just like that. That is a cruel trick, nature.

We started the Delestrogen injections last night and our FET is 2 weeks from Friday. Yesterday I started Googling FET and age and found all this doom and gloom and then remembered that in medical cases, Google is not your friend. I’m trying to focus on the fact that I have 8 frozen embryos, all excellent quality, and on my doctor’s insistence that this is going to work. I find myself really wishing for twins so that I never have to even think about going through this process again. DW wants to adopt a second, and I’m fine with that except that it seems like the adoption process could be just as all-consuming as TTC is and right now, I don’t know that I can do it again.

Anyway, today I’m at work and feeling better about things. Hoping April has a nice surprise in store for us.


Filed under FET, grief, miscarriage

4 responses to “>emerging from the blahs

  1. >Oh – I hear you about the blahs – so many ups and downs in all this and time to brood is sometimes good and sometimes not. I also hear you on wanting twins – it gets it over and done with in one fell swoop!I would pay NO attention to Google – even women in their forties (and I know you are not even there yet!) can carry an embryo to term and do a large percentage of the time. Just remember: you have a healthy uterus that is waiting for the frozen babies to come on in. Remember what your doc said about being very optimistic:)That’s an interesting image about Charlie Brown and the football – amazing what our minds come up with.I am glad you are feeling a bit better. ((HUGS))) and good luck with the injections and the lead up to the FET.Rooting for Glamcookie over here!

  2. >step away from google! FETs have higher success rates frequently because only the strongest and healthiest embryos make it through the freeze/thaw. you’re gonna do great!

  3. >You are going to go great. I hope that April brings you many good things =)

  4. >I have everything crossed for you that April is the month of twins!!

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